Weeds and Reasons
Weeding For Self
This story happened while I was preparing my yard for new landscaping. I had cleared out the debris, weeds, and then, rototilled and leveled the area. Once planting started, I looked down the street and saw weeds along each side. I did not need weed seeds blowing into my clean yard and planting themselves.
So, I went to action with my machete, going down the street and wacking off the weed flowers, before they went to seed. I was sure that the neighbors wouldn't mind; besides, they were on public property next to the street.
After I was done, the next door neighbor lady, wife of a pastor, expressed thanks for my deed. I tried to explain that I was really just interested in helping keep my yard free from weeds. She still expressed thanks.
Pondering My Motivation
This incident got me to thinking about my motivations for doing good deeds. Can one do good deeds for bad reasons? In the case of the weeds, I soon realized that my motivation was mainly selfish. It's true that the neighborhood was better looking without the weeds. However, my chief reason fore chopping down the weeds was to prevent them propagating and coming into my yard. The neighbor was gracious, though. Perhaps that's a picture of our gracious God. Certainly, God can overlook our sins because of grace, why not our bad motives?
Looking at my actions, in self examination, and also looking at the bible and examples from bible characters, I found out that motivations can be complex. Not only bad deeds, but also good ones can have underlining reasons such as fear, guilt, pride, hate, pleasure, and lust. Love seems to be the one good reason for actions.
Jonah is one character who seemed to have a mixture of hate and pride when he evangelized Ninevah, obeying God but with bad reasons. After he was done, he got depressed because Nineveh turned to God. He became so much concerned with the loss of shade from his gourd plant. God showed Jonah's concern for his comfort was selfish when compared with the lives of all the Ninevites.
While selfishness is bad, some concern with self is not bad. The problem is when people are more concerned with themselves than with God and others. God tells us to love ourselves, but the emphasis is loving others as much as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31: Love your neighbor as yourself). Paul, in Phil 2:4, says that we should be interested in the interests of others as well as our own interests.
As for myself, I realized that everything I did, upon self examination, was with mixed motives. Even good deeds done for others, while done with an intended motive of giving glory to God, also had some personal pride, even secretly. Like a pat on the back in my imagination, I felt good about what I did. While I did something in love for others, I enjoyed their appreciation, and I was puzzled by any lack of recognition. Fear, guilt, and other motivations mixed in with love and honoring God. Everything was tainted by mixed motives.
Question of the Week
One Sunday night, about five years later, after the weed incident, the topic was about motives. The pastor, very simply said that one should do anything with the wrong motive. A believer should refrain from doing anything for the wrong reason. I raised my hand afterward to ask a question. I realized that this subject was one which I had given much thought.
I said (more articulate here) that I had found out that everything I did had mixed motives. So, he (the pastor) was telling me to do nothing. Yet, if I do nothing, then that isn't any better because there are bad reasons for doing nothing, too. Reasons for doing nothing might include fear, pride (lack of humility), self (nothing in it for me), and others. Sins of ommission show up lack of concern and love for others. The motivation of personal purity can be very selfish.
Mixed Fruit
I have learned that God wants us to obey his commands. He wants to see us fruitful. He can cleanse the fruit later. Our motivations will change as we get going, following Jesus. Sanctification comes. Some self examination is helpful, but only to a certain extent. Just as with doing bad things (sin), doing good things with impure motives can be cleansed by Jesus blood. Dying to self happens time and time again with each forgiveness of God. But it is wise to let the fruit come by serving others, letting God take care of the personal purity. In Matt 5:48, Jesus says to his disciples, "Be perfect". It is so hard to do purity by oneself. Only those who wear the robe of righteousness will attend the wedding banquet in God's Kingdom (Matt 22:11-12).